Advice Me: My Family Wants Me To Lower My Standards & Find A Man To Marry

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I recall that things began to change for the better as soon as we turned 25. My family began it, and then, well, my twin sister began it as well…and a few years later, the entire world became involved in my life.


I am a twin, and my sister and I are not identical in appearance or personality, despite the fact that we are twins. Growing up as a twin is mostly enjoyable, except for the constant comparison of one twin to the other. My twin was the more endearing of the two.

FAMILY
Top View of Thinking Young African Girl Laying in Bed, brainstorming

Most people prefer the calmer and more easily recognizable version. The main issue arose after we both graduated at the age of 24, and Taiwo got engaged to her high school boyfriend.

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Everyone, including my entire family was overjoyed for her. And they kept asking me when I was going to propose. To be honest, I didn’t even have a boyfriend at the time. Not in the last four years, at the very least.

They married when they were 25 years old. Everyone began to pray for me to find my own. They also began to introduce me to potential husbands. They meant well, but the problem is that… In terms of relationships, I’ve really struggled.

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In my adult life, I’ve only had one serious boyfriend. The others didn’t last more than a month.
Everyone said there was something wrong with me. I am now 36 years old, have a good job, but no husband…no boyfriend sef. They said I was too affluent…too picky.

What they mean is that I should stop looking for a guy who will treat me well and instead concentrate on becoming a married woman.

My mother has been praying and fasting for me since she married at the age of 21. I’m nearly twice her age and still haven’t found a husband. So I’ve often wondered, “Why haven’t I found someone I like enough to marry?”

Unfortunately, I can only attribute this ‘situation’ to one thing: I simply refused to settle!,…no, not settle down for marriage in that manner o. That is to say, I have refused to marry any Tom, Dick, or Harry. I’m looking for someone I like, someone who will complement me, someone who is compatible, and someone with a good sense of humor and intelligence.

I just feel like marriage is a big deal, and I don’t want to move in with someone I don’t 100% believe is the one for me…now, I’ve been told by so many people, including my mother, that my expectations are too high. That I will never find the person who will fulfill all of my desires, and that I should make the best of what I have.

Let me be completely honest with you…being single at 36 can be lonely, especially when I’m attempting to avoid my very judgmental family. So, I frequently feel the pressure to just settle, and the way things are going, I am feeling the urge to stop wishing to find the man of my dreams and just settle.

My question is, is it really such a bad thing to settle? With the way I feel about so many things I may not like in a guy, how can I have a successful marriage if I have to go into the marriage knowing that there are aspects of the relationship that I do not like but must settle for?

I need your help, ma. I’m hoping to get married before the end of the year. What’s the matter with me? My grandmother refers to me as Ogbanje (spirit child). My mother believes I’m a lesbian. I don’t blame them… I’m so tired of everything… What am I supposed to do? Stop fussing and just marry the next man who comes along, abi?

I’m sure there are a lot of single ladies out there like me… What should one do in this situation? Nota bene, I’ve been told to be more likable, so I changed my entire wardrobe and appearance, but there’s always that one or two things that ruin any relationship I’m in.

I consider myself to be an attractive, intelligent, hardworking, God-fearing, and laser-focused lady. Why can’t I find a man who possesses the same qualities that I do? What am I doing wrong?

Please advice me.

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